Lily's Birth Story

I have been putting Lily's birth story off because it has been 4+ years I am having to dig back to. It was however, in my top 3 greatest days of my life, so it shouldn't be too hard to remember...

Paul and I found out that we were having a girl the moment we could, it was around 16 weeks. I was a little shocked at first (which is weird because it is a 50/50 chance), because I always imagined myself having a boy first and I thought everyone needed an older brother. Probably because I am lucky enough to have 3 amazing older brothers. But I quickly got over that feeling and was so ecstatic to finally meet and dress up my sweet little baby girl. She was due February 17, 2009. I stressed more than I think is normal about what we were going to call her when I was pregnant. I had sheets and piles of papers that I had "doodled" all sorts of names. Trying to find that perfect one. But none of them seemed good enough. It was such a big deal to me because this would be my baby's name - forever! It had to be perfect. I really wanted a classic, older name and not one that was just in with a trend. I distinctly remember one day sitting on the barstool in my parents' kitchen discussing names with my mom. She said, "How about Lily?!" And I remember just rolling my eyes at her and saying, "Nah".  Then I remember other people telling me not to stress about it because when I met her, I would know what to name her.

So I was getting bigger, and so was she. The weeks leading up to my due date were difficult. I was so ready to have her and I just wanted to take care of my baby and be her momma. At my 39 week doctors appointment I asked him how he felt about inducing. And to my happy surprise, he said that would be fine and when do I want to schedule it. I didn't even know what to say, I was so happy that I could pick a day and know what she would come then. So I told him that mentally, I could not go a day past my due date. So he scheduled me to come to the hospital at 7:00 a.m. on February 17th! I was so excited that this guessing game of when she would be coming was over. I had a day that I knew she would come, and I think that really helped me get through that last week.

The big day finally came, Paul and I drove up to the hospital and arrived right on time. I was ready to get this started! A hospital admin showed me to my room and had me get changed into the lovely, infamous hospital gown. We sat in the room for a bit before Dr. Spencer came in, obviously in a rush to get things started. I was really surprised as he started rummaging through drawers and cupboards trying to find needles and whatever it was that the nurses would have prepped me with before the doctor would have shown up. Almost as antsy as I was, Dr. Spencer started hooking me up to monitors, giving me an I.V. and then pulled out this LONG, metal hook. Then (sparing too many details) he proceeded to break my water. This was not at all what I expected. It was incredibly painful, and I was shocked that within 10 minutes of arriving at the hospital, my water was breaking. It was clear to me then, that I probably wouldn't be sitting around, laboring for too long. Both the doctor and I wanted to get this "show on the road." I started contracting and laboring progressively the next couple hours. As it got worse, I asked the nurse for the epidural. I remember fearing this part the most. Through my pregnancy, as I talked with other young moms, I was warned about the epidural and that in some cases, it was the worst part of the entire labor and delivery. It felt totally unnatural to be hunched over as a very long needle was being inserting into my back. But I just focused on the bigger picture and how it would relieve the pain I was starting to feel more intensely everywhere else. And I had my sweet husband to grab a hold of with both hands and squeeze his to transfer just a smidgen of the pain I was experiencing that day!

My parents arrived as we were waiting, luckily painlessly, for me to get further along in my laboring. I distinctly remember feeling my face swell, like, an insane amount and almost instantly. It was very bizarre because it came on so suddenly and I could feel the skin on my cheeks, neck, and chin growing tight as they expanded. And I knew it was bad when I mentioned to Paul and my dad that I was swelling. Their faces said it all. The nurse put an oxygen mask on me then, not sure if it is just a standard procedure, but it didn't worry me either way. Then as she was checking the computer monitors, she got a little concerned and informed me that the baby's heart rate was dropping every time I would contract. She took me off of the pitocin meds they were giving me through the I.V. that helped speed up the labor. But after a little time of waiting to see if that helped the babe, which it did, but turned out that I completely stopped contracting, and was at a stand-still. The doctor then came in to help me understand what my options were. He explained that they were unsure why the baby was having a difficult time through the contractions. So, they could put me back on the pitocin, and just monitor the baby carefully, or I could go in for a c-section and get the baby out immediately. It was a very easy decision for me, I said I wanted to have them get her out now. He agreed that if it were his baby, he would do the same. It was comforting knowing that I felt good about my decision and that the doctor thought it was also the better option.

So almost immediately, they started wheeling my bed down the hallway and into the operating room. Paul got to stay by my side, but I was disappointed that my parents wouldn't be able to be in the room when I delivered. I had wanted them there, but only the spouse is allowed into the operating room, so they would have to wait a little longer to meet her. The anesthesiologist became my new best friend. Along with Paul, we was up by my head the entire time. He began to give me more medicine through my epidural line that made me numb from my throat down. I remember at one point telling him it was difficult to breath. He said to just relax and breath normally, that it felt like my throat was closing, but that it was just the medicine making it numb. There was an entire little team of nurses getting everything prepared. They put a sheet up vertically by my chest, so that I wasn't able to see anything going on. I told Paul that I wanted him to watch the whole thing, and tell me EXACTLY what was going on behind that sheet after. I wanted all the crazy details. He stood up to watch, they began cutting through my skin and Paul quickly sat back down. He couldn't do it. This part is difficult to describe. I felt a lot of pulling and pressure, and it was just unreal to think about what they were doing. They were getting my little baby out. At 3:15 p.m. she was delivered, I remember having this huge relief when I heard her sweet little cry. I couldn't see her, but I knew that she was perfect from that strong set of lungs I could hear. I was lying there, looking straight up at the ceiling feeling so blessed to have her here when directly above me she came into view floating above the sheet. It was only about a 3 second glimpse of her before they took her back. She was so red and squished. Then the doctor wiped her up and for another 10 seconds, they held her to the side of me so that I could see my precious little baby girl.

Paul went with the baby and nurses into the nursery to get her checked and cleaned up. I laid on the table as they puzzled me back together again. And I really think that is exactly what they did. It felt as though my organs were sitting on top of my belly and one by one the doctor was putting things back where they belonged. It was crazy, wish I could have seen it! He stitched me up and about 30 minutes later I was being wheeled back to my room where my parents and now Paul's parents were waiting. I told them as much as I knew, which wasn't much at that point. Paul came back to the room and said, "She has red hair!" I didn't know if he was serious or not. During the pregnancy we had always joked about it and knew there was a slim chance of it, but to have it actually happen, I was so surprised. Then finally, about 45 minutes after I heard those first cries, the nurse was carrying my little baby girl into the room. Paul handed her to me and it was one of the greatest moments of my life. To finally be holding this precious, heaven-sent, baby that would be mine forever, was amazing. She was perfect, with beautiful, luciously long, auburn hair. It was such a special time being with our parents and holding her. Everything was perfect in that moment.

I remember soon after getting her into my arms, having a little panic thinking, "I have no idea what she looks like, I didn't know what her name would be!" Paul and I had come to the hospital with two names, I favored Lucy, and he wanted Lily. But we liked them both. The day after she was born, Paul very seriously came to me and said, "I think that her name should be Lily." I didn't know what to say, he seemed so inspired my the way he spoke, that how was I suppose to argue with that. Reluctantly, I agreed but I was actually freaking out inside, hoping that was the right decision. And of course, it was. She is our sweet little Lily Ann Heslop.