After 3 weeks I started panicking! I didn't think I could do it all over again. I expressed the craziness that was going on in my mind with Paul. We decided to go to the temple that night so that I could feel at peace with something. All throughout the session I didn't feel a clear answer one way or the other. As Paul and I met up in the Celestial Room he said that maybe we should just take a little break for now. Not that it meant we wouldn't ever try again, but that we should just wait to decide if it was something we really felt was right. I liked that idea, a lot.
A few nights later I got a little belly. In the back of my mind I freaked out a little wondering if somehow I was pregnant. But I calmed and convinced myself that it was probably just something I ate that made me a little bloated because even if there was a little baby, there is no way my body would already be changing. The next morning I woke up to my normal sized belly and felt silly for even worrying. But then, the same thing happened the next day…and the next. So finally one night with my popped out belly I walked up to Paul as he was sitting at the computer desk. I just looked at him and pressed my shirt against my sides so that he could see the full effect. He looked at me and said, "Have you been pregnant for months and we just didn't know?!" I said, "No, that isn't even possible!"
The next morning Paul went to the airport for a business trip, I went to All-A-Dollar for some pregnancy tests. After taking about 3 in the next couple days and not getting a clear resolute, I finally called up the doctor's office and asked to come in and take a test. It was positive…
The doctor had given me a due date of December 15. At this point my belly was permanently popped, not just at night. I was about 5 weeks.
This pregnancy I really wanted to keep it a secret for at least 12 weeks but hopefully as long as we could. But that just didn't seem possible with my body prepping for full pregnant mode. I had people suspecting very early on. At just 6 weeks I had someone ask me if I was pregnant! There was no hiding it. I knew this little babe was meant for our family, it jumped on the 3 week window we allowed to get pregnant. I took some comfort in that, it was meant to be. I tried to keep my healthy eating habits and good exercise routine as best I could throughout my pregnancy. I exercised every week except two up until I delivered.
I was determined to have a better recovery than I had with Stewart. I wanted to do everything that I could to help those odds. After searching and reading about natural childbirth, I decided I wanted to give it a go. I told Paul about my plan and I could tell he thought I was crazy. I am normally all about pain meds and not a "naturalist" by nature, so I kinda felt crazy myself. But I also know how stubborn I am, and I knew that if people knew of my plan and I set my mind to it, I would do it. So I searched a little more about natural childbirth and talked to anyone that I knew who had done it. I knew I wasn't going to take any classes or do any hypo-birthing techniques, so I just left it at that. I told Paul he needed to be strong for me and help me through it because I knew it would be the hardest thing I would ever do.
Paul was planning some business trips in my last trimester. We figured I would be safe since I was induced with Lily on my due date, and Stew only came one week early. He was leaving for Dallas/Mexico 5 weeks before and England just 3 short weeks before my date. I was a little nervous for that, England is far far away and 3 weeks is cutting it close.
(Now to the actual birth story) It was a Sunday, I was 34 weeks and 6 days. Paul had finished his Dallas training and was traveling to Mexico. It was Stake Conference (hallelujah because with two kids and that far along… I didn't think I could do a full three hours of church). I packed a bunch of coloring books and treats to keep the kids occupied. The night before I had a little panic attack because I couldn't remember feeling the baby's movement much. I knew I had two hours to just sit during Stake Conference so I focused on counting kicks. In an hour I counted about 7 (10 in 2 hours is the goal) so I knew I was doing okay. They were a little softer than normal, but I figured it was getting squishy in there and that was to be expected. After an hour of sitting there I started feeling sick. I could tell I didn't have a fever but my body felt over-heated. I decided it was time to go, one more hour would have started to put me in misery zone. I laid down when we got home and started feeling the baby as strong as ever and my body felt much better.
Later that evening, I put the kids to bed and got all ready myself. I crawled into bed and turned on a movie to help me unwind from the craziness of a Sunday as a single-mom. It was about 10:30 when I felt the slightest bit of water between my legs. I immediately jumped up, grabbed my phone, and ran to the bathroom. I knew exactly what had happened…my water broke! I had a moment where my mind went blank and I had no idea what to do. I didn't have my husband, I didn't have my parents, I didn't have a bag packed, I didn't even have a pad in my house to catch the trickling of water I knew would constantly run down my leg. Then I pulled it together and called my mom in St. George. I told her what had happened to which she replied she would start packing a bag and leave immediately. As much as I wanted her to do that, we both knew that wasn't the best idea. She walked me through what I needed to do even though I knew for myself, in that moment of shock it was nice to have someone telling me to pack my bags and go to the hospital. As soon as I got off the phone with my mom, I called Paul. I felt so bad that this was happening right now and he was miles and miles away. I knew that once he saw it was me calling, he would know it was baby time. Right when he answered, all I could say was "I'm sorry!". Because of international calling rates, I quickly told him my plan and that I would update him as soon as I could. The poor guy was running on no sleep. The night before he had pulled an all-nighter and was in airports all that day. Then I called my mother-in-law to come help.
I grabbed a bag and filled it with the bare necessities that I needed for that night. It didn't quite feel real that I would be having my baby soon. I had always assumed that hard contractions would be immediate once the water had broke. But I felt nothing, other than the slow filling-up of the hand towel I had to use between my legs. There was zero pain, just an anxious feeling. Then I heard a knock at the door and found my in-laws, Joan and Clair, my brothers Dan and Jeff, and my sister-in-law Melanie all standing on my porch. I filled them in on what had happened. Dan, Jeff, and Clair gave me a blessing and then we made a plan. Joan stayed with my sleeping children and Melanie would take me to the hospital.
Once we got there, the nurse check me and I was only dilated to a 2 or 3. She told me that the doctor may choose to put me on antibiotics and try to stop my labor for a few days. The thought of just sitting in that hospital bed alone, while my kids are pawned off wherever, and Paul in Mexico, just sounded depressing. But the decision would be up to the doctor and I wouldn't see him for a few more hours.
I finally started having some contractions and back labor. Paul had been checking on flights but I hadn't heard from him for a couple hours, come to find out the poor guy had fallen asleep while on his computer. After his little cat-nap, he texted me that the earliest flight he found would get him home at noon. I told him I didn't think he would make the birth and that he should just stay and at least do one of the trainings, then jet home. He didn't like that idea, so he packed his bags back up and ran to the airport.
Then my doctor came in to see me, he didn't look very pleased that I was in there. They checked me again and I think I was about a 4. I explained the situation about Paul and that he could probably be to the hospital at about 1:00 p.m. My doctor said that I had to have the baby at the latest by 4:00 p.m. There is a risk of infection once my water broke and letting baby just hang out isn't safe. I felt like I was playing a bizarre game because I had to keep progressing so they wouldn't pump pitocin through me. But I couldn't go to fast because Paul needed a fighting chance at witnessing his child's birth. The crazy thing was that I could kind of control it. If I stood up I would contract ever couple minutes, but if I sat back in my bed, they were so random and I would go 15 to 20 minutes between contractions. So I tried to dilate at the perfect speed. As if labor isn't physically challenging enough, I had this game over-working me mentally. Thank goodness Melanie was there to help me through it all. Her nursing knowledge paid off and she told me exactly what I needed to say to the nurses to help my situation along.
A few hours later due to the doctor's request, the nurse hooked me up to an IV to give me some pitocin. She knew I really didn't want it because of going natural so she only gave me a little dose. But I could feel the difference, those contractions started getting harder with little breaks in-between. My parents arrived around noon and Andy and Desiree Bell came just after that. Melanie had set up to have Des come photograph the birth and Andy film just incase Paul didn't make the birth.
My sweet dad was so concerned that I was going natural. He kept asking me "why" or if I "need an epidural" or saying "just get some pain medicine, you don't have to feel this". I sure love him and could see his love for me. A tiny ounce of me wanted to give in just to make him feel better, but I couldn't do it.
At 1:40 p.m. someone said that Paul was in the parking lot! I was so relieved! Andy and Des ran down to get some footage of Paul coming into the hospital. I felt myself give in to the pain and work my body had been going through once he was there with me. I didn't feel like I had to be quite as strong because he was there to help me through it. My in-laws, Joan and Clair showed up a few minutes later. The nurse came in again and told everyone to leave that would not be in the room for the birth. This time I wanted it to just be me and Paul. I knew it would be a much more difficult birth than with Stewart and knew I would be most comfortable if I didn't have to worry about others in the room. My parents, Joan, Clair, and Melanie all left to wait in the hall. Andy and Des stayed while the nurse checked to see my progress.
After five pushes, an episiotomy with no numbing, and an involuntary scream I didn't know I could even produce, my baby was born. It was 2:18 p.m. The doctor held the baby up and I almost forgot we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. I looked and Paul said, "It's a boy…right?!" Paul cut the cord and the nurses whisked our baby boy away to be wiped, measured, and checked. My body felt nothing. I think it had experienced such intense feelings that it was numb and almost in shock. They handed me my brand new baby all wrapped up. I knew he was an Eames, it as perfect for him. He wasn't as little as I had expected with him being so early. He looked healthy and perfect. He had to go to the NICU as a precaution because he was 5 weeks premature.
After the doctor stitched me up my family came in. I had an intense feeling that I wanted to cry, hard. Not out of pain or sadness, or even happiness. I just needed to ball my eyes out. I knew that I couldn't because of my family wanting to congratulate me. I held it is so that I didn't have to explain my tears. And I knew it would be hard on my dad to see me crying after he knew what I just went through.
I felt so close to Paul. He had been so good through the birth in staying calm and re-telling me what the nurses told me to do. I can't even imagine how I could have done it without him. I was so grateful that he made it. It was a complete miracle! And I am still amazed to think that he was in Mexico when my water broke and made it with 40 minutes to spare.
Paul left to go help wash baby Eames in the NICU. I have never felt so drained but the lack of pain or pressure felt so good. After moving me to my recovery room, I went with Paul to go see Eames in the NICU. He was under a light and had an IV for antibiotic as another precaution from being in so long after my water broke. They were worried about an infection for him and started treating just in case. He was so perfect and tiny. He weighed 5.05 lbs which they rounded to 5 lbs 1 oz and 17 3/4 inches. He had red hair, like orange-red hair, and he looked like a little bird, just like his sister Lily. I loved him immediately. I felt a connection to him like I had never felt before. My dad and I have a very special relationship and once he told me that he strongly feels that we knew each other in the pre-existence. I felt this way about Eames. His little spirit amazed me. I don't love easily. I have learned that I need to serve someone or be with them for a long time before I gain a deep love towards them. But not with Eames, it was instantly there.
He had to stay in the NICU for a week. I hated leaving him there, it felt wrong. But I knew he was healthy and strong and in good hands. Now looking back I know it was a blessing. I got a week to get good sleep and try to recover because the next few weeks would be difficult and I needed all the strength my body had. I thank my Heavenly Father daily for my beautiful, perfect, healthy Eames and all of the tender mercies throughout my pregnancy, birth, and recovery.
A few hours later due to the doctor's request, the nurse hooked me up to an IV to give me some pitocin. She knew I really didn't want it because of going natural so she only gave me a little dose. But I could feel the difference, those contractions started getting harder with little breaks in-between. My parents arrived around noon and Andy and Desiree Bell came just after that. Melanie had set up to have Des come photograph the birth and Andy film just incase Paul didn't make the birth.
At 1:40 p.m. someone said that Paul was in the parking lot! I was so relieved! Andy and Des ran down to get some footage of Paul coming into the hospital. I felt myself give in to the pain and work my body had been going through once he was there with me. I didn't feel like I had to be quite as strong because he was there to help me through it. My in-laws, Joan and Clair showed up a few minutes later. The nurse came in again and told everyone to leave that would not be in the room for the birth. This time I wanted it to just be me and Paul. I knew it would be a much more difficult birth than with Stewart and knew I would be most comfortable if I didn't have to worry about others in the room. My parents, Joan, Clair, and Melanie all left to wait in the hall. Andy and Des stayed while the nurse checked to see my progress.
As soon as she did I had the most intense pain I had ever felt. Pain and pressure that I didn't feel ready for. She said I was a 9 and ran out the door to call the doctor. The pain was not letting up. I was trying to brace myself on the bed rails, or on Paul. I kept inching up the bed trying to get away from the shock of it. Then my doctor along with a lot, way more than I had expected, nurses came rushing into the room. I asked my doctor, "Why didn't you talk me out of this natural business!?" Up until this point going natural had been completely bareable. But the pain that showed up so abruptly and with full force, was taking my breath away. They asked if I wanted to push, but I didn't. I knew I had to but I also knew that the pain would only get worse. I couldn't even imagine how that could be, I didn't know this kind of pain existed.
After the doctor stitched me up my family came in. I had an intense feeling that I wanted to cry, hard. Not out of pain or sadness, or even happiness. I just needed to ball my eyes out. I knew that I couldn't because of my family wanting to congratulate me. I held it is so that I didn't have to explain my tears. And I knew it would be hard on my dad to see me crying after he knew what I just went through.
Paul left to go help wash baby Eames in the NICU. I have never felt so drained but the lack of pain or pressure felt so good. After moving me to my recovery room, I went with Paul to go see Eames in the NICU. He was under a light and had an IV for antibiotic as another precaution from being in so long after my water broke. They were worried about an infection for him and started treating just in case. He was so perfect and tiny. He weighed 5.05 lbs which they rounded to 5 lbs 1 oz and 17 3/4 inches. He had red hair, like orange-red hair, and he looked like a little bird, just like his sister Lily. I loved him immediately. I felt a connection to him like I had never felt before. My dad and I have a very special relationship and once he told me that he strongly feels that we knew each other in the pre-existence. I felt this way about Eames. His little spirit amazed me. I don't love easily. I have learned that I need to serve someone or be with them for a long time before I gain a deep love towards them. But not with Eames, it was instantly there.
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