Keeping it real

I am doing this blog as a replacement for a scrapbook and journal. Not that it is the best substitution for either, but it is what I know I will update more than twice a year. With that, keeping true to more of the journaling aspect, I want to keep it real. I don't want it to be this place for only the good-looking, happy times, which of course are wonderful, but my life is much more than that. It is not all parties, and laughs, and carousals. Being a mother is the most challenging thing I have ever been through. It is hard! And I feel like it is not something that I can really talk about. If I ever do, I feel like I am being such a downer. I feel like everyone portrays the most desirable life with the best kids and husband and everything is great 95% of the time. And maybe for some people that is how it really is, and if so I am extremely happy for them. Only I want to be true to myself and portray my life how it is.

The past three weeks Paul has been on three separate business trips. I have this new-found respect for single parents! Wow, that is one demanding job with very very little breaks!! The first couple trips where Paul was gone I was doing surprisingly well, just tried to keep myself busy everyday with activities and friends for Lily. But this last trip I feel like I am living in this night-mare (sounds extreme, but like I said, just keeping it real). I am beyond exhausted, I have a constant head-ache, both kids have colds, and Stew is sadder and more needy than ever. There has been a lot of crying at our house this week, mostly by Stew and me. With the exception of my tempting pain meds stash (which has been untouched) I feel like there is no way of it letting up. I have just had to focus on Paul coming home and just hope that I'll be able to get a little break then.

Well, depressing I know, but that's how it is. I've bottled the depressing parts of my life up for years and it has caused me to take much longer than I'm sure is needed to get past some things. So I'm going to take a different approach from now on and just lay it all out there. And hopefully it will help..