Keeping it real

I am doing this blog as a replacement for a scrapbook and journal. Not that it is the best substitution for either, but it is what I know I will update more than twice a year. With that, keeping true to more of the journaling aspect, I want to keep it real. I don't want it to be this place for only the good-looking, happy times, which of course are wonderful, but my life is much more than that. It is not all parties, and laughs, and carousals. Being a mother is the most challenging thing I have ever been through. It is hard! And I feel like it is not something that I can really talk about. If I ever do, I feel like I am being such a downer. I feel like everyone portrays the most desirable life with the best kids and husband and everything is great 95% of the time. And maybe for some people that is how it really is, and if so I am extremely happy for them. Only I want to be true to myself and portray my life how it is.

The past three weeks Paul has been on three separate business trips. I have this new-found respect for single parents! Wow, that is one demanding job with very very little breaks!! The first couple trips where Paul was gone I was doing surprisingly well, just tried to keep myself busy everyday with activities and friends for Lily. But this last trip I feel like I am living in this night-mare (sounds extreme, but like I said, just keeping it real). I am beyond exhausted, I have a constant head-ache, both kids have colds, and Stew is sadder and more needy than ever. There has been a lot of crying at our house this week, mostly by Stew and me. With the exception of my tempting pain meds stash (which has been untouched) I feel like there is no way of it letting up. I have just had to focus on Paul coming home and just hope that I'll be able to get a little break then.

Well, depressing I know, but that's how it is. I've bottled the depressing parts of my life up for years and it has caused me to take much longer than I'm sure is needed to get past some things. So I'm going to take a different approach from now on and just lay it all out there. And hopefully it will help..

2 for Lily

Sunday morning made Lily's count a total of two for ER visits. She woke up early coughing and crying in that oh-so familiar croupy way. She was really struggling breathing and her little chest was retracting in a way that was scaring me. Paul set up the nebulizer and gave her some of his asthma medicine. Then I got some of her steroid croup meds that we have on hand. She was still having a hard time even though she was calm and not crying. I decided to be safe and take her in (especially since I would be a single mother later that day with Paul having a 1:00 pm flight to Vegas!)

I was at the entrance of the ER and almost turned around since she looked visibly normal. But I figured since I was already there and I really didn't want there to be a problem after Paul was gone, we went in. After telling the nurse what was going on, she asked Lily, "does your throat hurt?" and with the biggest grin Lily shakes her head no. So the nurse continues to asks, "does your tummy hurt? Does your head hurt?" With each answer Lily has the same grin and shakes her head. Finally the nurse said, "well does anything hurt?" And Lily just shakes her head, still grinning! I felt kinda dumb until she let out her awful seal-barking cough (thank goodness, the staff was starting to think I was some crazy paranoid mom).


So they set her up on a breathing treatment with a cute little purple Dino nose. The Dr. checked her lungs and could hear a little something on the right side so the took a chest x-ray. She looked so cute with her itty bitty body next to all these giant machines. Everything turned out normal and we were set to go with just a prescription in hand. I am looking forward to the day that she is too old for getting croup!

Makes me laugh

We are at that point where Stew gets super antsy staying in his car seat at the store. He loves the freedom of riding in the seat of a cart. But at target Lily loves the "funny cart" and wouldn't settle for a boring regular cart. So we gave it a try buckling Stew in, despite the warnings that the seats were only for ages 2-6! I couldn't help but laugh every time I saw him and his dangling legs. He is growing up so fast!

The ZOO!

Keeping busy with Paul gone has actually been great. We all miss Daddy terribly but are having fun thinking of new adventures and places to explore! I was lucky enough to reconnect with my BFF from Junior High, Angie (Stringfellow) Allen! It had been a couple years since I had seen her but our zoo trip was the second time to play with her and her cute kids in two weeks!

This was Lily's third time to Hogle Zoo but I think the first time she actually recognized an animal. Once I explained to her what the zoo is, she was adamant that the elephant was the first animal to be seen. We got to see baby Zuri elephant who is three years old, "like me" Lily would say. She was being trained on some pretty amazing tricks. She even did a headstand, for reals! It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen but she balanced on her trunk while both hind legs were high in the air. (I was too in-ahh to get a snap-shot, bummer.)

Next were the sleeping tigers and the giraffes...

The carousel was a major highlight of the the trip. Thanks to Angie for taking Lily on the ride! I think she was drawn to the tiger because she is on a Frosted Flakes kick and talks about "Tony-the-Tiger" all the time.

And we finished off the day at the park, which in Lily's book makes any day a great day!

So glad to see my sweet friend Angie again! I love any time I get to spend with my mama friends. It is always helpful to get that support from someone who knows :)

Lily Quotes

I've been meaning to create a place to store all of Lily's funny little things she says. She is such a smart, sassy, and caring little girl that I want to be able to look back and remember all my little Lily quotes...

July 26, 2012 - Lily says, "Stewart is a little child of God." Melted my heart! It was so simple and precious. In that moment I had to scoop up my little boy and give him a squeeze and kiss. Lily reminded me that her and Stewart are children of God and that I have been given a gift of motherhood and the responsibility to take care of them. I need do it to the best of my ability and remember that they are children of God more often! I sure love my little Lily for her sweet reminders :)

April 13, 2012 - Grandma and Grandpa Stewart moved to St. George two weeks ago and I've have been trying to explain to Lily that they don't live in their house anymore. I tell her that when Daddy goes on another business trip we can go visit Grandma and Grandpa in their new house. So tonight during Lily's prayer she added, "thank you Daddy goes on a trip so we can go to St. George." I think she is looking forward to Paul's next airplane ride even though I know that she misses him terribly when he is gone!

March 28, 2012 - While leaving Harmon's Lily asked, "where we going next?" I said that we were going home to have lunch and asked her if she wanted a sandwhich or chicken nuggets. She said, "chicken nuggets! Can I have both ranch and ketchup?" and I said "sure!" Then Lily said, "thank you for being such a good, nice mom!" (normally I only let her have ketchup or ranch). I guess I know how to get on her happy, good side now :)

March 21, 2012 - Stewart was eating some dirt out of a potted plant so with a slightly raised voice I said, "Stewart NOO!" Lily came rushing in to see what was wrong. Once she realized it was no big deal she turned and started walking out of the room saying, "He's just a little baby mom." I love that she is teaching me patience and love in so many different ways!

Also today she said while on the potty and looking at her new size 4 big girl panties, "my bum got big so now I get to wear these panties!"

Many times since she was about 2 1/2 when I have become frazzled or upset by something she sweetly asks, "Are you happy momma?" It immediately makes me forget whatever insignificant problem was getting the best of me because I have such a sweet, caring little child.

St. Patty's Day breakfast

While Paul is away on business, I find I cope much better if I keep Lily busy. So I planned a last minute little breakfast for all of the little Stewart girl cousins. It just happened to be St. Patrick's day so we had a green and rainbow themed party.
Lily helped me make personalized crayon colored placemats for each girl. We had "leprechaun dusted" green milk, rainbow pancakes, and green (spinach) eggs and ham - why not celebrate a little Dr. Seuss too :)

The girls had a lot of fun eating breakfast together and then they started planning a play full of leprechaun and fairy dancing directed by miss Kenzie. Unfortunately they didn't have enough time to rehearse and perform but I am sure it would have been inspiring!


Our little St. Patty's breakfast turned out to be a success, maybe we'll have to make it a tradition!

The Wall

For months I had this grand plan of stenciling our big family room wall. About six months ago I had tackled our bedroom wall with a stencil that I am really happy with. However, it must have had the same effect that pregnancy and labor seem to always give, in that I had forgotten just how long, and difficult, and painful the process of stenciling an entire wall is. So early last Friday morning I started with my handy blue tape and got all my supplies ready to start painting for the day. Next thing I know it is late Saturday night and I am just finishing! Those two days were a whirlwind of crying (mostly by little Stew who was sooo miserable), stress, frustration, and minor resting. I think it would not have been as crazy of a weekend if the whole family wasn't sick! Yes, that's right, every one of us was sick! It is hard enough being a mom in that situation but adding a whole other element of wall painting was nightmarish. But I am so glad and relieved that it is done!! And I would say it turned out quite well.

p.s. I only drastically messed up once and thought my house was ruined for about 10 minutes, but luckily I have a smart, calm husband who helped me realize that I had a whole bucket of the original color that could erase my "whoops". And only I can spot where my mistake happened :)